Crush...

crush

Function: noun
1 : an act of crushing
2 : the quantity of material crushed
3 a : a crowding together (as of people) b : CROWD, MOB; especially : a crowd of people pressing against one another
4 : an intense and usually passing infatuation ; also : the object of infatuation

Experiencing a crush has interesting effects on your life. It's amazing how easily one can fall into a crush. Is it called a crush because that is the feeling when the recipient of the crush (or victim) reject any advances? I find it incredible that this phantom infatuation can be so powerful at times, no matter whether you are a giggly little teen or a grown woman. It is like a tractor beam pulling your millennium falcon towards the death star; like the strongest vortex vacuum dragging you into its rotator heads---you'll be a shredded mess once you pass through the nozzle.

I can't explain how this even happened in the first place. It did happen almost a year ago, and hasn't really stopped. He is a friend and I met him about 2 years ago. It started out as just a simple acquaintance, but when he is in you day almost everyday, you kinda become friends out of repetition. "Friends" was great for awhile. I enjoyed having him as a friend, and I am sure that is what he thinks I am. I think it started with just a few words to him, said by another person. This other person was his focus since he met her. She just passed him off to me and left work. Simply, "Now you have someone to drink with", and that was it. For some reason it was like magic pixie dust left her hand and spread it on me with those seven words. The tractor beam was weak then but now I can't fight it. It's insane!

The grass is not greener on the other side. I have been questioned by a friend who knows about my childish crush. Is he any different than what you have right now? I immediately I say "of course", but at closer look I know he is no different than my current man. The pros are easy to find: funny, cute, great job, generous, friendly, tough when needed, powerful, sports loving, a man's man, fun, etc. The cons are harder but there: distracted, mobile in his job, bachelor, beer-belly (although I think it's kinda cute), booze-hound, never serious, gets drunk too much, etc. Same kinda situation with my current state and at least I can depend on my man and what we have already.

I just can't get this outta my head and it's driving me crazy. If I do move to the island with my man, start a new life, will this crush just disappear? It can be a bit destructive to our current relationship, although I am the destructive one not him. Every time I stop all communication with "Mr. Crush" he pulls me back in out of the blue. I finally had enough of him at one point and avoided him as much as I could. He texted me and called me. He's acted strange around me when it is just us and I am wondering if there really is something there. WAIT that's the crush taking over again.

Weirdly enough, I can tell you all about infatuations, how they begin and end, and yet I am unable to control myself. I know we have free will to do what we want, but in this case, I wonder if this is just supposed to happen. If I can't stop is it more of an addiction rather than an infatuation? I am addicted to him and cold turkey is not working. I have to want to quit, I know I can't force myself to quit. Maybe there should be a health warning across his chest?

I always wondered why he is never with a woman, why I never hear about dates or women he wants to date. I have never heard anything close to this topic. Strange. And no, he's not gay. What could possibly be hidden under that ball hat he wears? What is the secret? Why is he perpetually a bachelor? It seems as if he doesn't want any kind of commitment, because that would mean he would be responsible for someone more than himself. His a bit selfish, now that I look at it. He only calls when he needs a drinking buddy and his other friends aren't answering the phone.

Okay, now that I got that off my chest.....Yeah, whatever, it's still there. Errrrr