Jenobi's World

Everyone likes to ignore or dismiss things in their life they don't like. I try my best to keep moving forward, staying focused on the positive. People or situations in my life that disappoint me or damage my spirit, get physically erased from my brain. I find that I hold a grudge longer than most and find every reason to keep it alive. Perhaps it is a natural defence mechanism, protecting my heart and feelings from being inundated anymore. I get harder and stronger shields every time I am hit with negative  comments or fall out of a relationship, whether it be romantic or platonic.    I am, or have become, a private person in my older years. Not that I am not social, but the walls go up, in preparation for the hurt even before it happens. There are certain limits to my space that I create, rarely reaching outside of the walls, but rather waiting for a knock on the door of my heavily fortified castle. The unfortunate thing is, I seem to get burned every time...

So, regardless of my current situation, I have not turned down the dark road of depression. Why should I? I wasn't done wrong but rather made a wrong decision. I could feel sorry for myself and pout, but why? I did no wrong unless giving too much is a bad thing. I unfortunately received little in return.  Enough of that millisecond of my life. I have filled my time laughing about the matter. The joke is on him, where the whole situation has been ridiculed to death. It seems to be so hilarious that now people are giving me 'the finger' randomly to get a laugh. I woke this morning with sunshine in my eyes and a smile on my face, as I realized those worries were gone. Sure, my cell phone is quiet, no one texting me every hour or so, but I understand those messages were hollow reassurances to keep me around.  I watch the news of politicians cheating on their wives. My favourite tv show is The Good Wife. I wonder how I could possibly want to trust a man again. I am like an ...

Unfortunately, I am again single, but I also look at it as fortunate. Three months in I was not in too deep, and I could see the light and the entrance of the 'so-called' tunnel of love I rode in on, sitting on the back of a swan with my 'pitbull'. At closer look, I realized the swan was made of cheap plastic, the tunnel was not full of love but greed, and my 'pitbull' was more damaged than ever. Noticing the damage first, I tried to patch the holes with TLC and medical visits, in hopes to partner up and take on his issues as a team. Little did I know that the hole was very deep and widening day by day. In addition, the damage was done so long ago, the scar tissue would never allow the wound to heal. My Pitbull was not the happy puppy I thought. He was expecting everything but a partner. He was looking for a mommy, sugar mamma, nurse, and buddy. His world the only experience he knew and a closed mind to anything or anyone else. He did what he wanted and bit ...